2005 (The Year In Review)

While my perception of this year may be based on how I'm feeling right now, I'll try be as objective as possible. I know the year isn't quite over, but I feel now is the time to talk about the events that have happened. So much good and bad has happened this year. I really don't know where to begin, but I guess I'll start with the good. I finally graduated from K-State with my degree in Civil Engineering. I was offered an amazing job as a project engineer for the City of Wichita and have been working there a little more than 6 months. I made it past my probationary period, so I guess they are going to keep me around. I met a bunch of new people while in my last semester of college and had a blast at school. I pulled a few all nighters which were an adventure to say the least. I became the dart champ in my senior design class. I've been able to spend a bunch of time with my cousin hanging out, lifting weights, working on his truck and partying. I reunited with a bunch of old friends from my first year at Cowley. I witnessed a couple of my friends amazing weddings.

Now for the bad stuff. About a month ago, I sold my 69 Plymouth Satellite. I knew I needed to let it go, but it was hard none the less. A girl that I quickly became great friends with towards the beginning of the year doesn't even speak to me anymore. I find how amazing it is that certain people can come into your life, make a large impact, and leave so quickly. I guess they come around to teach us a lesson. Even though we had already broken up, I lost my ex-girlfriend for good. I know there is no chance of anything happening between us and that truly does make me sad. Right now I'm kind of running through life without knowing what I'm supposed to do. I'm having trouble making some of the big decisions in life like, should I get this boat, or which house should I buy.

I know this year came by to test me and I don't know if I passed, but I do know that I learned many new lessons from it. In many ways it has been a depressing year, and for that, I can't wait till next year. I hope I make the best of it with everything I do. I know I need to live it up and love it up to the fullest. I welcome 2006 with open arms and an open heart.

A Lost Love

Tonight, I got bored and reminiscent and started looking through some photo albums of the last 6 or so years. I haven't seen many of these pictures in years, so it was kind of fun to remember the crazy stuff that happened so long ago. The first photos showed me in high school. I had pictures from snoball and prom, and also pictures from chior concerts and musicals. I forgot how much fun those days were. As the pictures go on, they show me at Cowley. I have some from gender bender day and then some from Annie Get Your Gun. The next photos show me with my first and only (so far) true love.

These past several months, I've been really trying to find myself since Erica. I've been having trouble coping with the lonliness in my heart and moving on. Looking back at these photos makes me continue to ask, why did I break up with her. I don't have the answer for this but do cherish the almost 3 years of memories that she gave me. She really is a beautiful person and taught me so much about life. I can only hope that I gave her as much as she gave me.

I constantly make excuses to myself for things that happened in the past, but realize I can't change them. As hard as it is to do, I realize I have to move forward and take what I learned in the past and try to do better in the future. I guess I'm just an impatient person, but deep down I know I may not be ready for something now. I have to become happier with myself and start doing things for myself before I can share my love with someone else again. I look forward to day my next love sweeps me off my feet. Until then, I will continue to learn about myself.

My first post

I'm extremely new to this and don't really know what I'm doing. I've seen a few people's blogs and hope that I can keep up with this one. I really just joined so that I could post on a friends blog, but have come to realize that I really don't have an outlet for what I'm thinking. I think this may be good for me.